Really? Is it that time again? Finding myself looking forward to Monday cuz I know I have got 2 bad ass hours full of complete brain blah to fill me up and help to propel me through another week of, well, life. Time to live vicariously through these young, skinny, slight psychotic, catty girls to experience a little bit of love the tv way. I have already cringed numerous times in the first 2 episodes (thanks Jenna, Blakely & Monica), said “no, no, no, no, no!” on numerous occasions and have managed to peg the “PITA’s” (that would be the Pain In the Ass’s) while also assessing a few front runners. I tried to avoid the blog, I really did. There was luxury in watching and not mentally taking notes about who I was going to shred and who would be the lucky lady to earn my weekly Stamp of Approval, but the pressure from those asking “Where is it???!!???” got to me and so here I am.
Now, we all know I am a huge fan of Ben’s and I picked him out pretty much from Ashley’s beginning. I am hopeful that I will remain a huge fan of his through this run. It is weird to see the other side of him…the Bachelor side. Really weird to see him being the player instead of the one being played, but every dog has his day and this is Bens. I will have faith that he makes a great choice and fingers crossed that it actually goes somewhere. Even if it doesn’t we will all revel in this guilty pleasure and join him on the ride of his life. I mean really, the other option is to watch yet again another season of “The Biggest Loser” and if reality tv is going to get 2 hours of me then the skinny, catty, mean girls crying over the fact that they have never been able to find love wins this time around over the heavy people crying about the fact that they eat at McDonalds on 4 different occasions per day to fill their void of love. So many crying people, so little time. Hmmm…did I just say “crying people?” Perhaps we should kick it off here~
Jenna, Jenna, Jenna. She seemed so promising in her opening show diatribe about her life in NYC and as a “Love Blogger”. Huh? Really? She blogs about love? I think she should consider starting a blog about “Unstable, Total Sloppy Mess, Two-Toned Hair Hanging In My Face, Climbing Into Beds To Cry It Out, Completely Breaking Down In the Bathroom Talking To & Berating Myself While The Wheels, Engine, Doors, Trunk & Hinges Fall Off”. There has been no greater Hot Mess and my heart goes out to this little teeny, tiny of a wisp, completely unstable girl. Dear God she had no business being on this show…I am not sure what her plan was here but pretty safe to say it backfired. I think the final straw may have been when she referred to herself as “more of a guy” when talking with Ben. YES! Way to sell yourself to a potential husband. That is what every man wants to hear in his search for a woman. Diarhea of the mouth is not a list topper either. Call in the Kaopectate, people!
Can I get an Alleluia and an Amen for Kaci B? I love me a little baton twirler from the South! She is so cute with her little cowboy boots and shorts, marching along twirling her baton. I would like her legs when I come back as someone else. The whole movie experience was good but a little confusing for me. I was having a hard time totally focusing as my mind was wondering how the Bachelor people manage to get home movies in that amount of time together for one on one dates? It is so early but she has GOT to be a front runner. Little lollipop, sugary sweet thing on a stick, with a major fro when she doesn’t use the blow dryer, flat iron and balm. Either way, super cute and a fave ….be that an early fave.
Court “I am So in love with myself, especially my hair” ney is already a huge burr in my saddle. A corn on my toe, a bunion on my heel, you get the picture. I think she is “butt” personally, dumb as a doorknob and I have never been so annoyed by anyone‘s method of holding a wine glass and sipping from it. She has these thin little lips that curl over her glass. She makes the oddest face expressions, twisting her lips to and fro. Yes Ben…if it is too good to be true then it often is. She is not your girl but something tells me we are about to watch you have your “Bentley “moment. Every time the two of you appear on screen we will all yell at you to get rid of her, open your eyes and see what a bitch she is. If all else fails hopefully you will notice her strange way of wine drinking and realize that you cannot spend your Vintner’s life looking at that shit forever. I have faith in you Ben…I know you run deeper than this! In the meantime we will watch her be the Mean Girl and just hate her more.
Lindzi…First Impression Rose is never a great sign. Sort of like a horse, you start strong out of the gate and then fizzle before the race is over. I find it strange that her mouth slightly resembles that of a horse as well. I think she is cute enough albeit young (although I have noticed most are). I am always a little leary of Lindzi’s with a “Z” but we will fault her parents for that one. She gets a great date next week so if a little Matt Nathanson Live in SF can’t do it for these two then not sure what can. I think she will make a little bit of a run and is a watch and wait.
A few side notes: Brittney is cute but quiet with the grandma move being a good call. It at a least got her through a round or two. Monica AKA “Half of the bi-sexual couple” is gross and her time in the house should be short lived. It seems that her other half Blakely is over her, finding that she does prefer men and the chase. So disappointed that he gave her a rose. It may have been out of complete fear that if he didn’t she might eat him with her huge mouth. She is the “Grandma of the group” age = 34, sports the title of “VIP waitress” (okay…so she is a hooker?) with Hooters Girl on her short list. Speaking of short, the seersucker Fredericks of Hollywood totally inappropriate short suit she wore on the group date? Yes, the one with her boobies falling out of it…um ya, I have nothing more to say about that and I think she may have quite possibly scarred some children for life.
Some token blondes, Rachel, Samantha and Jaclyn are okay, but none of these 3 are standouts at this point. Rachel actually looks old and really out of place next to Ben and I am continuously distracted by the tiny little stud in her nose.
Red-headed Jennifer, our resident Weasel shines a bit. Super-smarty pants but a little annoying because she is so smart Emily is slow out of the gate but I think she too will make a run. I dug her rap and these usually find me hiding and cringing behind a pillow but she was cool. Rumor has it she might be the next Bachelorette…so you know what that says about her fate with Ben.
I don’t know why but brunette Nicki really bugs me. She reminds me of a little gnat…sort all up in everybody’s biznass. I have no time for her and I am confidant that she will only continue to bug me more.…watch her…you will see what I mean. I feel like she is the girls who always becomes every guy’s “buddy” and not in the good way either.
So, the mystery girl who calls Chris and says she is in SF is Shawntel the Mortician from Chico??? Brad Womack’s Second Rodeo? The girl he carried out of the burning building when they made a movie? Yes, that is her…she is back and about to vie for Ben. Remember the last time the Bachelor pulled this stunt is when Mary returned and Byron (Oh God how many Bachelors ago was that???) ended up ultimately picking her…and then got beat up and harassed by her which prompted him to call the police and landed her ass in jail and on the cover of magazines for that. Rockin’.
So we are officially in it. 2 shows gone and no going back.Sucked in. Suckers…again. And damnitall here I am typing the blog.
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