Where Was The Bathroom???

So, were super short cut-offs the requirement for each of these dates? How many mosquito bites do you think each of them got sitting out at dinner and/or on safari? How many snake hisses did they hear? Really? All to spot a few elephants, monkeys and lions? I say fly me to San Diego and I will walk the zoo. What is wrong with good old Kauai? Is staying in America totally done now? If I had to fly all the way to South Africa just to get booted and then have to get my ass back on that plane again to fly home I would be doing EVRYTHING to make sure that I at least got a chance to walk off the pulmonary embolism that possibly began forming in my leg on the flight over before I had to head back!

Huh? What was Ash wearing? I think she carried the “Khaki” theme a bit too far and then by adding white sandals to the mix, along with a messy ponytail, well she just looked like she was asking to be set free. Talk about some high and mighty walls. Those bad boys aren’t coming down for nothing so it completely baffles me that she is about to be the next Bachelorette. Yes, you read this correctly. The article was forwarded on to me the day after her elimination and so although it isn’t gospel, it appears to be what is. I do not know if I can stand a season focused on her, and her incessant hand waving, her little moldings of what is, the hands up over the face. I am exhausted just typing about it. This date pretty much spelled disaster out of the gate. She was not thrilled about the helicopter and it all seemed to spiral from there. I have never seen two people have such a difficult time communicating. Now, I normally am not sitting front row watching a conversation happen but of all that I have seen this was the most brutal. I was shocked that Brad gave her SO many chances to try and get it right but she was just not willing to be vulnerable. You have got a Saint and a little Delta Hussy to contend with honey, I suggest you start spilling your guts and fast. The backdrop for her date was lovely although I kept waiting for a wildebeest or a scorpion to come climbing through the tall willowy grass and nip at one of them. It really would have been par for the course as far as their date was concerned anyway. Such uncomfortable silence and talking round and round (while giant bugs and fly away embers were attacking her face) and they just kept going. In the end, BASH crashed, but not for long…looks like she will get her say and way in the end. My warning to her future boys; keep your head back when talking to avoid getting smacked in the face, keep your mouth shut if your teeth aren’t perfect and make sure you bring a big ‘ol chisel with you cuz you’re going to need it!

Well, if Emily just isn’t a big ‘ol Southern surprise! Is she really falling in love with Brad or has it just been so long since Ricky that she forgot what a crush feels like? I don’t know but apparently Brad is falling in love with her too. I can’t decide if it bothers me that he tells her he loves her or that he is going to keep her another week while the other girls have to sweat it out. I know he really wants to protect her and keep her as far away from a broken heart as possible. He must be carrying a bit of a burden knowing that he is the first guy to get this far with her since Ricky. Since we all pretty much love Em I guess it is easy to overlook but in the end, it really isn’t fair. Tonight at the “Tell All” I am sure we will hear about it from the scorned and tossed aside Bachelorettes! Brutal date…riding an elephant? OUCH! Nothing about these dates have shouted “romance” but their one on one in the fantasy suite seemed tender enough so there you have it. I think that about sums them up as a couple…TENDER. Her outfit, if I may comment, at the Rose Ceremony reminded me of what used to hang up on the walls of the 5 7 9 shop (got my first 2 piece there…strapless pink ruffle number…HOT (!) on my size 1 body and boobs) in Country Club mall…back when it used to rock Zanzibar and Coach House Gifts (Lisa Frank and Toots stickers and Swatch Watches anybody???) . Ya, so basically another really bad look. Thank God she rocked her cowboy boots earlier…sort of helps take away the pain of the spandex colorblock thing she had going on. Came with the Dolly Parton Seal of Approval.

Safari with Chantal. Again, the shorts??? Poor thing ate a bug unbeknownst to her and Brad wouldn’t eat one to even out the score….sort of says a lot to me. If a guy really likes me and he knows I am super weirded out by eating the bug and we are on this safari picnic for him, etc., he better eat the bug. I might be hung up on details here but I thought he was being a dick. He should have said “no worries, when in Rome, this will be our great memory of this dirty vacation, and down the hatch!” Instead he simply told her “no”. This is something that would have me thinking strongly if I were considering accepting a proposal from this guy. Sort of sets a tone about what he would or would not be willing to do for you. They appeared to have the most “natural” date. Everything flowed and seemed the norm. The Fantasy Suite on the other hand was anything but normal. I know there are some of you out there who went “RAD” when you saw where they were about to possibly do it for the first time but all I felt was frightened for them. Sleeping in a tree house in the middle of the African jungle would only keep me up all night, scared out of my mind like Jason and Freddy Krueger combined listening to the hisses, roars and caws of the wild below and above. I am sure that mosquito net kept them super safe. And pardon me but where was the bathroom? What do you do if you have to pee? There was a small chance of malaria plus she ate a bug earlier and chances are she would need a toilet. I would not step down those stairs in the middle night for nothing. She should definitely get major points for being the most adventurous of the lot. That and for being the best dressed at the Rose Ceremony, but that sure wasn’t hard to do.

So, down to 2. I did not see Emily coming in this strong and I am surprised. I know a lot of you think it is her and I am sure there will be strong support for her tonight but I STILL think it is Chantal in the end. I can’t imagine how it will all play out but I am thinking she tips the scale in her favor with his family.

Tonight we get ready to watch the girls tear into one another. A few Psychos from the past come back to haunt us and we get to listen to Chris Harrison remind us that this will be the most dramatic Bachelor finale ever! I think it will just be great if everyone manages to stay alive & bite free in the jungle.

Looking forward to next week….someone will be crowned the next Mrs. Womack…for better or for worse!