Home Sweet Home!

And they’re off…

Is it just me or did anyone else think that if Chantal added a hard sided 22” rolling upright that she could have passed for a Delta Airline Attendant? Her scarf screamed “And what may I get you to drink?” and I was waiting for a small packet of honey roasted peanuts to suddenly appear. Once I got over her ensemble I was able to focus and settle in. Just as I assumed it would be, they had a great hometown date. Chantal is well put together, doesn’t come with too much baggage if you don’t include Boca and the 2 cats, by all accounts seems successful and has parents who are loaded with a killer house on the water. She might come with a pre-nup but other than that, I think they would fit comfortably. Her Dad and Brad hit it off and “you’re not kiddin’ me” both come from a family of masons…will wonders never cease? Chantal’s mom is a fan of a little nip, a little tuck and a little enhancing but she seems like a cool cat. Her brother only laughed and smiled but it is awkward enough to be a teen let alone having to appear for your sister on the Bachelor so we will give him a hall pass here. How lovely of the Producers to give us a quick tour of the palace by shooting 30 second scenes in various rooms…great “blessing meeting” in the wine cellar. I was so busy looking at all of the wine that it was almost lost on me. Since she was the “kick off date” I thought it was a great sign when he told her he didn’t want to leave her and that he would miss her. He used the same lines on his BASH date so it lost a little bit of its luster but that may have been the only negative I caught. I stand by my theory on Chantal possibly becoming the next Mrs. Womack. And hey~ if that doesn’t work out for her well then Delta would probably love to have her aboard. Thanks for flying with us today.

BASH…Seriously wanted to bash my head into something. It started out fine but Ash was like a Jack Russell Terrier on speed. Oh My God. The hands were back, the giddiness was all over the board and so were her continuous leaps into his arms and on to his back…like a baby monkey hanging off of her mama. She was whacky last night and whacky just about sums up her family too. WOW…lots of squealing and excited chatter going on there. The mother, the sister, even the brother(?) tat sisters boyfriend(?) did we ever get any clarification on who that boy was? And who was that man who sat Brad down out in the storage room? Was that Ash’s dad or her step-dad or man who fills the void of her dad??? Anyway…they were all looney. I don’t know, maybe I was so fuzzy from all the Ashley bubbles that I missed the explanations and/or introductions. The fries with gravy and cheese where fine but it was not fine when Ash pointed out “oh! I saw your crown!” I guess that is what he gets for responding with “si” instead of “oui” when a woman spoke to him in French. I find it interesting that Ash is the only one who hasn’t mentioned the L word BUT she is by far the most insecure so it shouldn’t surprise me. Anywho, it was all giggles and giddiness, poses in front of the town’s billboard and honor system roadside food shopping. The tat sis was so taken in by all the love that she ran out and got a BASH tat right above her heart….hopefully she can cover it up easily~

Shawntel…insert creepy organ music here. Okay, so the girl is into her job and you know, we need people in this world who are willing to work on the dead otherwise we would have an issue much bigger than anything I am in the mood to tackle here. It takes a very special type and Shawntel clearly is that. I don’t know if she had to get so in-depth on what she does and how she does it…I think that may have been the beginning of her demise. I say beginning because I think the middle and the end would be her father. Okay Mr. Succession Plan. Gee, sorry your daughter might want to leave your one horse town (and I say that fondly…Holla Chico…Woot! Woot!) and her morbid job to give it a shot with a guy who might want to marry her. That made for super interesting table conversation (anyone else catch Shawntel pounding her wine and/or having it in her hand at all times?) and a Father/Daughter conversation as well. Now, I was confused by the mismatched Lazy Boy chairs in what appeared to be the master bedroom and may have gotten a little lost when I started debating if it was because they have been going with a 1980’s “his and hers” theme but I am pretty certain that I got the gist of what was said and it was basically, “I have worked this business for 40 years (so he started when he was maybe 10?) and I am ready to retire and I wooed you to this morbid world of death so you could take over and keep making money for me while I enjoy the rest of my years. Poor girl. I hope she leaves Chico for brighter days and teaches her dad a lesson. Now that she is gone from the group, I am sure she will have time to think…

Em and Ricky Tick. Little Ricky was kinda picky (sorry…couldn’t resist) last night. I know, I know she is 5 and her mother has not exposed her to this side of her life (which I absolutely applaud) plus there were probably lots of cameras and strange people around so she should have been a little “off” in this situation. Here’s the thing…I think Brad was hoping that he would love the chance of possibly being a “bonus daddy” and I think after a long day he was probably second guessing filling those shoes. In a normal dating situation where relationships progress over a lot of time, perhaps. BUT in this accelerated fairy tale world of the Bachelor it is not the ideal situation for anyone with a child. Brad went the respect route at the end of the night when Ricky Tick was upstairs asleep but what he was really trying to say is, “I am exhausted by this day and I just want to get out of here.” I think this time together threw him for a loop. I KNOW he likes Emily a lot but I think he treads so lightly with her because he does not want to do any major damage to her and is on damage control for himself as well. She is awesome, she really is and together they could be awesome BUT I think that her “extras” are going to be too much for him in the end and this is why Chantal will be the last lady standing. I thought she was so cute last night and her most natural self. Someone was questioning how she could afford that house at 24? Strange that the only family we saw was Ricky…lots of questions didn’t get answered last night but we are all clear that Ricky Tick is the light of her mama’s life and that the mama is about as Southern as you can be…from the décor right down to Grandma’s mac-n-cheese that she and Brad whipped up. I am not sure if she will go before Ash but I just don’t think she is it in the end~

An interesting observation made by a viewer/reader…Brad did not bring one “hostess gift” with him to any one hometown. No flowers, a bottle of wine, a little bottle of hot sauce that is popular in Ausitn….NADA, Si (this is the appropriate context in which to use this word). The “Observationist “ posed a great question…How romantic can he be? Or not be? And how about thoughtful? I am sure the lady loves will arrive to his home with gifts so it was a bit odd that he came empty handed. A wise woman said to me once, “If he doesn’t hold your hand when you are dating he won’t suddenly start holding your hand once you’re married.” Just a little feather of thought to put in your cap!

In the Jungle, the mighty Jungle, the Lion Sleeps Tonight….So, Final 3…off to South Africa…land of extra -large mosquitoes, most poisonous snakes in the world, jungle animals roaming at their own will and a place that requires a list of immunizations before entering their country….did someone in the preview try and call this the “most romantic place on Earth”? Ya, just because Wills popped the question to Kate here does not one place suddenly become “romantic”. I am sure it will be amazing (to watch from the comfort of my non-poisonous snake family room) for all and it will get us one step closer to finding out who “she” is in the end. As long as no one gets eaten by a lion or contracts malaria, I think everyone should consider themselves a winner. Long flight ahead and long flight back especially if you are rollin’ solo….aweema way, aweema way, aweema way…..

Until Next Week….