Moneyball is out, so is Britt, Chantal is in Tears, Shawntel may have gotten naked in the ocean, ASH and her excessive use of the word Babe and Em is still a Saint...

Hey Ding-a-ling…Sacagawea called and she wants her clothes back! Looks like the whole “Cherokee Indian” thing didn’t work so well for you this week. FINALLY Brad saw the light and sent your “fetal position in the back seat of the limo” ass home. Buh-bye. Moneyball however does get props for having some of the best one-liners when it came to talking about the other girls. Her Facebook Friends comment about Brad and Britt were great along with her “Brad and Britt…sounds cute, but it really isn’t”. She certainly supplied the much needed drama and kept our jaws dropped open throughout this somewhat boring Bachelor season. She was dirty and mean spirited, whiny and bossy, insecure and a little p-sycho and in the end, she was necessary. She is everything we hope we never act and/or sound like and the person we use as an example when explaining to our daughters exactly what we don’t want them to end up like. She (when modeling without Brad) rocked her bikini for Sports Illustrated IF and only IF you could get past the very dark bluish/purplish veins running out the top of her very silicone enhanced boobies…I could not. I like her better with make up on but either way there just was never a softness to her face…sort of comes with her territory. I knew the minute Brad told Chris that his decision had been made that Moneyball’s time was up and she knew it too. She left as only she could, without a word to Brad and a word to the audience. We now know she will be on the Women Tell All panel and this guarantees some good times for us viewers at home. With her out, I feel like I am almost safe to watch without the “hide my face” pillow right next to me BUT Ash is still around so I am not sure if it is safe to put the pillow away just yet…..

Best model of the 3? Check. Largest Forehead of the 3? Check. Worst extensions in Bachelor history? Check. Overused the word Babe so much in such a short amount of time that I almost never want to use that word myself ever again? Check. How drunk was she at the pool on their ménage a trois date? If we had played the “you have to take a drink every time she says Babe” game, we would all be on our asses. She was bugging’ but she refrained from flailing her hands and twitching her head to and fro so I guess that is a bonus. A little bit of an insecure mess (sort of a running theme here) but Brad definitely is in to her. The “Ash and Babe” team is hereby now known as BASH~

Shawntel and Brad got naked in the ocean…did I see that? No. Do I just feel that? Yes and I like to plant seeds in people’s minds. They had a great date and with the exception of frolicking around Anguilla, having a private concert by Banky Banks and being given life lessons by Auntie B with the gold tooth (Ya Man) aka Aunt Jemimia their date seemed the most real…you know as opposed to being helicoptered off to their own private island in the middle of the Caribbean which I will get to later. I think they have great chemistry and a good time. She was quite matter of fact in her “love profession” but you know, she is trying to keep up and putting it out there, so kudos to her. I am interested in her family and getting to check out her work digs next week. I always felt she was going to make it to the end and she might still be a Final Two but it was brought to my attention that they have been waaaayyyy down-playing St. Em and I would have to agree….

Her teeth looked too big again last night…sorry. She curls her lips over the top like she is fighting to keep them in there. I just have to note it for the records. Great date for sure but you definitely have to be game to chat or make out a lot cuz there just isn’t a whole lot else of anything going on on that little tiny sand bar in the middle of the sea. I was wondering what would happen if an extra large wave washed up? It could happen. They had a breakthrough, if you will last night. I could see them as a couple and thought it all looked a little bit more natural and with them it might be. In real life most would be a little more slow and steady. I guess we will meet little Ricky next week and I am not buying the previews either. I don’t think it will be as disastrous as they are trying to make out to be. Everyone likes Em, she is a sweet pea, but I still don’t think she is the one. She might come in as Final 2 but I still think she will go as 3…time will tell. In the meantime let us all continue to bask in the glow of her loveliness, take in the cuteness of those dimples and Southern charm and love her till she goes.

Speaking of going…Oh Britt. Should I start with her thongs? The platform white thongs circa Steve Madden 2003? How about the earrings pierced up her ears circa 1989? The ultra long curled hair circa the Holly Hobby era…time warp much? I am really confused by her. Definitely up there as one of the most uncomfortable dates I have watched yet. When she started to rebut Brads argument that there wasn’t a romantic connection with “I know if we spend more time together it will begin to grow…” I went into my “SHHHHHH……Hush Little Britt…No more talking sweet girl” mode. Just say good bye, exit big yacht for little inflatable raft with motor and head back to land in your pretty peach dress and be grateful that they didn’t make you swim it…for like the 10th time that day. She is a little fragile china doll that seems on the verge of cracking. Poor thing…lots of work in her future…LOTS but I think there is some great potential there for her if not as a food writer then perhaps as a living totem pole. I don’t get the ultra skinny thing as I am a woman with curves so I gotta give it up to Chantal….

BRAVE little soldier marching on in that red suit and going topless to boot. So, she has a belly and a booty…you know what? She is a beautiful girl and she went for it anyway. I do not know what was in that nasty green algae drink she and ASH were sipping but it must have been potent because they were some tipsy girls. Let’s address the tears. I went over this with my sister today when she said “Stop crying” which I have said before too, but here is where I think we are at with Chantal. 1. she was drunk, 2. I think between watching Michelle clamber on top of Brad for the “photo shoot gyration and kissing” scene and watching Ashley get the rose, she was feeling a bit beat up on plus I think she was drunk (in case I didn’t make that clear). Chantal is probably the most emotionally invested in Brad and so I think we witnessed real hurt and sadness and I think Brad felt that in that moment as well. I truly believe he was worried about her and how this might change her feelings for him. I have said it for awhile now and I still say it now, I think she is IT in the end so maybe I am watching it from that point of view. Yes, ugly breakdown cry is not good, but sometimes, especially when you have been drinking, it happens (never to me but I have witnessed it A LOT).
Brad owed both ASH and Chantal an apology for his crass behavior with Michelle and I was disappointed we didn’t see that, if it happened. I guess his way of making up to them was by simply getting rid of her. It was certainly time and now we have hometown dates, the girls meeting his family and the Final 2 to look forward to. There is always enough drama there so I don’t think we will miss Moneyball all that much.

The countdown is ON….let me know in “comments” who you think the Final 2 are. I am ALWAYS the only one doing all of the writing….geez!

See ya in Chico……