In honor of all the Bachelorettes last night I have decided to do a little braid across my forehead before sitting down to this blog. So, braid on head and I am ready to launch….
Speaking of launching, Moneyball is going to self destruct in 5, 4, 3, 2… I am praying for the “1” next week. You know she is terrible when you get a text from a male, heterosexual friend during the show letting you know he is preparing himself for the tsunami that is Michelle. Is she for real? She is a total piece of work. C’mon here…she has forced me to dig so deep into my bag of adjectives and metaphors that I find myself running out….and we still have a few weeks to go! The hissy fit over the rappelling situation? The fact that he even put up with her shit. He should have launched her mole-faced ass over the side of that waterfall cliff. And to confirm my theory on her punching herself in the eye? Um, she was punching him. Abuser Alert Abuser Alert…do not continue on with girl who punch you. The girl has got more nerve then Tom Cruise when he called Matt Lauer “glib” (and did we ever find out what that really means?). Showing up at his door with a news report on why none of the girls are right for him, to the chat in the pool, the fake crying before the rose ceremony, the constant chit chat about Chantal (insecure much?)…WOW. The interesting thing about this season Villainess is that she isn’t obviously hated. There isn’t the screaming, cat fight sort of thing going on. She is silent and behind the scenes. The girls clearly don’t trust her but there is quite a bit of tolerance for her. “The Women Tell All” really will be interesting as I think a lot of the girls will be so fired up to tear her up. Anyway, sick of the mole on her face, sick of her super dark penciled eyebrows and over her maxi dresses. She is always shiny looking and there is such hardness to her features that she is starting to look “guy’ish” to me. In case you can’t tell…over her!
HA! What did I say about Allie last week? I am not a big fan of “I told you so” but I SOOO told you so! I thought the entire date was painful…from the minute she mounted that horse. What was it with the little horses that trailed the big horses? Were they like the flower girls on the way to the altar? It was so strange that they each rode a horse and then had a little miniature horse follow behind...so odd to me. Cute little things but what was the point? If that were my date I would have been bummed. Bats? Above my head in a dark cave? I am not into that and really, once I saw the altar and watched him lay a blanket on top of a big puddle, with battery operated candles…I would have said “no thanks”. BUT, it sort of reflected them as a couple (no thanks!) and strangely enough, he actually sent someone home on a date!
Chantal…great date. Who knew wearing your mans white button down and sporting damp hair would be such a turn on…memo to self ;) I like her with Brad, a lot BUT she needs to stop with the little biting of lower lip faces, and the penetrating stares and the eyes…I feel like I am watching one of my cheesy romance novellas come to life and then realizing I like reading it more than watching it. A little shocked by her matter of fact “I love you” but maybe she is feeling it and thought it would be good business to beat the other girls to this punch line. She will be a “Final 2” unless there is a major disaster on her hometown date. Chantal Womack…the last name is hard with anything but it actually works well here.
Silent Game Shawntel…she intrigues him and I am thinking the whole “embalmer” thing might make her eerily interesting to him. Another Final possibility here. Def. a hometown date and like I said before it could be the battle of the 2 Chan/Shawn tal’s…all depends on Ashley…
She has been a sleeper here for awhile and that might be her m.o. She clearly has been working hard on herself, her ticks, her gestures and movement and as a little shell of her former self, she might be the one to watch. Strange that we haven’t seen or heard a lot from her lately and beyond all of that, she is staying cool and drama free about it too. Curious to see what next week brings for her….
Brit…BLAH! I would have sent her home and kept Jackie just for the personality alone but I think Jackie blew it with the whole “I am afraid of heights rescue me you big strong man you” play. Poor thing is so lithe that she got caught in the waterfall when she didn’t rappel out of it and got hammered a bit by it…in case you missed that tid-bit…pretty funny. So she is gone, but Miss “I have nothing to add, say, laugh about or eat” is still here. Just a matter of time…just a pretty face he kept around but she will be gone next week.
St. Emily. She s so gorgeous and for some reason her teeth didn’t bother me as much this week. I really love her little face and sweetness but Dear God there is nothing there. I have said this EVERY week and I will continue to say it. He has such a school boy crush on her but once he has to decide on his heart decision then her time will be up. I love that she isn’t willing to introduce her daughter just yet to him…that is a good mama. In the real dating world she would probably take her time with that so KUDOS to her for maintaining her morals. There is more to this scene and we will see how it plays out next week. For now, let us all enjoy her sweetness before she heads back to Charleston, cuz I am pretty sure that is where she will be headed in the near future.
Did I get everyone? I feel like I am leaving someone out but it is late, I have painted letters on 35 t-shirts tonight (an entirely different story) and have a spreadsheet that needs my attention. Sorry to burst your bubble Peeps, The Bachelor is not my life but I will tell you, for the piece it does occupy…it is pretty damn great.
Until Next Week in Anguilla……
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