So, I am sort of lovin’ me some Brad Womack right about now. Yee Haw Cowboy! I know, I know….I wasn’t 100% on board with this revival but he is sweet, sincere and even though his boobs are about as big as mine, somehow it works on his “I am the Bachelor, I will be parading around a lot with my shirt off, so I better look hot & ripped” body.
I am not sure what the point was of bringing Jenny and Deana back. No need to go there, but being The Bachelor they do seem to have a hard time with limits. SO, in came The Scorned, teetering on too high of heels, looking good if not a little uncomfortable and both were sporting decent size rocks. Jenny was her same sweet self and clearly glad that this reality is so her past. Deana on the other hand felt her 2 minutes was more important than it really was. She was curt and hard…let the bee out of your bonnet girl…you have moved on so be gracious and supportive and get over being dumped by him. She has always bugged anyway (DO NOT get me started on her constant eye blinking problem!).
Brad is a lucky boy. 30 ladies were there for his picking (I think that is more than usual) and they all seem game. His past was a small issue but let’s be real. Even if he didn’t give them the chance to get up and walk out no one was planning on it anyway. I was quickly over the non-stop chat about his past run at love and was so relieved that Ashley was smart enough to play the “I don’t care about your past” and “friend” card. I called it 5 minutes before their one on one. I said (to myself since I was the only one watching it…okay, the dog was curled up in my lap so he can vouch for me) “the first girl who forgives him of his past and lets him know that it is not a big deal WILL get the first impression rose”. I know…I am brilliant! I like this Ashley anyway so we are off to a good start~
Lots of fake boobies, bleached white teeth, spray tans, and a set of fangs to kick it all off! Speaking of, we have our resident Model/Vampire. (Are you f’ing kidding me that he kept that freak show??? C’mon!! What is attractive about this girl??? Besides the whole model thing. I am confused with a capital C but maybe the producers wanted her to stay awhile?) an esthetician who specializes in manscaping (so much to say, so little time to type) is on board, a Rockette who bugged me in soooo many ways I don’t even know where to start but I will just say “high leg kicks getting out of the limo, feather earrings and the name Kelty” to name a few, a mortician (shout out to all of you CSU Chico gals), 2 moms…one who is so Southern sweet it makes my teeth hurt and one who is clearly going to be the resident shit-stirrer/psycho bitch (I can call ‘em a mile away), not one but 2 Chantal’s, a dentist/dancer who is on the path to snapping her neck off her shoulders if she continues to whip her hair around the way she does, a wannabe Dorothy from Kansas complete with ruby “there is no place like home” slippers (if you will), a New Yorker in bright yellow who had me pulling the pillow over to cover my eyes when she started singing her “lame I am making this up as I go along and my voice is not that good” song and a couple of others who have faded from my memory bank (you know what I say about these girls).
A few front runners for sure. I am liking First Impression Rose Ashley. The unexpected loss of her dad already pulls you in but she SEEMS (always the key word) sweet, passionate and real (if not a little to Harlequin Romance Novel’ish) but time will tell. Emily, our Southern Bell is up there too. Again, another tragic death inspired heroine (God did they search grief meetings for this group of “potentials”?!) but someone Brad will dig if not for her little body, bleach blonde hair and super white veneers (oh trust me…the top ones are) but for her obvious gentle way and mommy gene if not the fact that she is a fund raiser for a childrens hospital, Chantal (the embalmer/mortician) is cute and quirky and finally, I guess Michelle….the p-sycho bitch. T-R-O-U-B-L-E on a stick, but she is gorgeous and she is out to get this guy. The dentist (I believe she is Ashley as well) is bound to add to the drama pot and Madison (our little Vampiress) well, I am sure she will give me something good to rip on here and there. All I know is I would not want to share a room with her. Did she really hiss and go for his neck when she accepted the rose? Does he not see that perhaps she might be mentally unstable? Just thinking aloud here…
I am more excited about this season than I expected to be. I think these girls will bring it and Brad will take it (and probably give it right back). I imagine there will be lots of game playing, hooking-up,
girl-bashing, per previews, a black eye, maybe some manscaping, and more Rockette leg kicks then we will ever need to see. We may witness a dentist decapitating herself all because she over tosses her hair around, someone meeting their end due to a vampire bite to the neck and possibly witness the process of the aforementioned being embalmed by the resident mortician. Just a typical day in the life of being on The Bachelor.
Once again, we will pause our tv’s at 8 pm on Monday nights (threatening anyone near it if they dare touch it) so we can tuck the kids into bed, stop in the kitchen to dish up a bowl of ice cream, snuggle into the couch, pull the pillow close JUST IN CASE it is needed to cover the eyes out of pure embarrassment, perhaps grab the cell phone for texting purposes and in some cases have your laptop ready to go (if you are the resident blogger) and then, finally, hit “play”. The familiar rush of anticipation will wash over us and once again we will find ourselves carried away into a world so far from our own (or possibly not!).
We will wait to find out who is going, breathe a sigh of relief when he lets “her” go and question him when he lets “her” go. We of course will chat about it with our friends and find ourselves way more invested then need be and someone will find herself spending an hour or so re-capping it all in her own words for your reading pleasure.
I don’t know how we got here people. Sometimes I miss the days of Joni Loves Chachi, Mork and Mindy and Facts of Life but one thing is for certain… Mork and Chachi ain’t got nothing on Brad Womack and Joni, Mindy and Blaire didn’t nearly give us enough to rip on. Except maybe Joni…her Tony perm sucked and Mindy must have been way off to marry Mork (the guy came to earth in an egg!), and I guess Blaire was a total bitch.
Anyway, there are no two ways around it….The Bachelor is back and so am I~
Happy Reading….
No comments:
Post a Comment