Well, here we go again. 1 GIDDY girl and 25 very hair gelled-men. Egos are already on display, pissing contests are only a matter of time and Craig M. is hopefully going to get his ass kicked sooner rather then later!
I am starting with our Bachelorette….What is up with the squealing? She squeals every response. She sounds like a pig in heat. Stop squealing. NOW. The giggle is something that I don’t recall being there with Jake either. If she isn’t squealing, she is giggling. Both are annoying. The hair extensions are unnecessary and the spray tan needs to be toned down. Other then that, she has got these guys gushing over how beautiful she is and she is playing the part well. We know she looks good in yellow but no reason to continuously put her in it. We also know she rocked her Converse in her first go round so we don’t need to revisit these shoes in every casual spot…especially if they are going to be electric purple. Ali is wayyyy more cheerleader then “too cool chick of the past” and this persona is not sitting well with me either. Someone clearly has stepped out of the Haight and straight into the OC. I am not sure how much of her I can handle but it should be interesting.
Now, onto the men!
Craig R., lawyer from Philly needs to shut his fat yap. Back off of Justin and his motivation for being on the Bachelor. Does he really owe you any explanantions re: his career or his reasons for living and being? Just worry about yourself and the fact that you donned a red speedo minus the cut ab’s. You should also concern yourself with the fact that you are sporting man-boobs on National TV for millions to see. Clearly you have bigger fish to fry and I say the sooner you get to it the better.
And Justin. Yes, you are a cutie and the fact that you had to hop down that ridiculous flight of stairs without help and then continue to hop around the sand all day with a cast on still does not make me feel bad enough to forgive you for wearing white capris. 1. Men Don’t Wear Capri’s and 2. The shows are shot well in advance so just because this showed happened to air on Memorial Day doesn’t give you a hall pass to wear white pants before this very well known time line regarding all things white from the waist down to the feet. And 3. Did I mention, you are a man and men don’t wear capris?
Weatherman aka Jonathon. Uhhh...Michael Jackson called from beyond the grave and he wants his white jacket complete with too many zippers back. PRONTO! Oh you little peanut of a thing! Why is it that the little guy always gets bullied about? I just want to pick him up and tuck him into my pocket and carry him away from those mean boys. Cute at glance but such a nervous little fellow and so clearly worried about his looks (as most tv personalities are) that he just can’t relax. That could stem from the fact that he has been targeted by psychotic Craig M. Putting the inter-tube animal around his waist to hide his speedo and possibly very small package was a strange call but it got a little stranger for me when he emerged from the dressing room smacking that little animals head to & fro. Regardless, my heart aches for him and I am counting the minutes until he pulls out the brown belt moves and unleashes on his enemy.
Jesse, from Peculiar is HOT. Maybe not the brightest bulb or the most polished but raw, real, cool tats and hot! Frank, is cuter with his glasses off and is quirky and fun, but please take into account that he has a snaggle. Yes, his front left tooth (I refer to it as the fang) is a little snaggle. I enjoyed their date and yes, they had chemistry but I did find myself looking at his snaggle more then I should have. Also, at the rose ceremony he was way to possessive and referred to Ali as his “girlfriend” in macking/conversation with her….strike against him. He may have been a little cocky since he already had a rose but I thought that was a bad call. Ty rocked it and her with his guitar but I was in agreement with Craig R. (gasp) when he said “what is it with the bachelorette and guitars?”. Robert-o is a babe and actually does his little butt-chin proud. Kirk from Clovis is creepy and we all already know (if you have paid any attention to the highlights) that he goes p-sycho. I am counting on him for some awesome material.
I noted waaaayyyyyy to many chokers already and we are only through 2 episodes. Granted they are not puka’s but they come in a close second. Do I need to revisit my feelings re: these necklaces on men? God, I thought we had it covered. I have also noted lots of ripped abs, spiky hair and hair gel. I wasn’t too sure of her suitors in the first episode but seeing these boys in round 2 I feel like there might be a keeper out there.
So looks like it is time to sit back and watch how the other gender handles being played, manipulated and pushed to the verge by a love that is possible but not promised. There will be lots of nervous hair raking, (theirs not hers), intense stares and clenched fists. I love watching the men being brought to their knees by a girl who they might not even give a second glance to in a bar. As usual we will pick our favorite and root for him to get down on bended knee and declare his love with a free, huge-ass ring that he may never have been able to afford without help from the show. Ali will be standing there with extensions in, tan as can be and wearing a yellow dress possibly with converse. Her hair will be blowing in the tropical breeze (come on it is always a tropical location!) and we will keep our fingers crossed that they might be Lucky Couple #3 that found love on the Bachelor and actually make it work. Then, 10 days later we will find out that they have decided to part ways. Oh well, it is summer tv and there isn’t much to watch anyway so we might as well entertain ourselves with this one. Squeal! Giggle!
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