I am dedicating this blog to C-Dawg & T-Love as promised after some drinking together the other night. I also promised them I would go back to dropping some R-rated words here and there, so if you are not comfortable with an F*bomb every so often STOP your reading here! Otherwise…glad to have you along…..
Michelle = once a nutcase ALWAYS a nutcase. C’mon honey bear...picking on chocolate covered Tenley is a sure way to get your scary skanky ass thrown out of the house faster than you can say insane asylum. Didn’t like you before, you scare the crap out of me now, and the show is a much safer place with you gone!
Juan – Adios amigo. Seriously, I have nothing more to say. Okay well maybe a few more words….You are a fucking loser. Okay, that’s it.
Jesse Kovacs & Elizabeth– I really could write the entire blog about them. I feel bad for him because Elizabeth sooo has him by the balls but then I don’t feel bad because he is so dumb. Does he really think she has as much power as she is letting on? Ya Kovacs…the girls will vote you out because they all love Elizabeth..not. She has like 3 friends, or shall we call them “followers” who are so far up her ass and/or they are afraid of her that they are willing to do whatever she wants…other than that, she’s got nothing. The peroxide (ummmm…is her hair orange? Why did she do that to herself?) has gone to her brain and made her more loony then before. My God she is a master manipulator…it is almost eerie to watch! In case you are having a hard time placing her, she is the one Jake let go because she played all those mind games with him about “wanting to kiss him but she doesn’t just kiss anyone” blah, blah, blah. She has always been a tripper…If she tells Jesse one more time, or anyone else that she is “in love with Jesse Kovacs” I am going to kick her ass. The look on his face the few times she has said that to him so clearly shouts “I AM NOT RECIPROCATING YOUR FEELINGS”…how she misses it, I am not sure. Why he didn’t get all the guys to get her kicked out is beyond me, other than the fact that there are more pressing issues like getting Michelle and Krisily out of there first, but if Jesse K wants to hold on to a shred of dignity he will man up and rally to get Elizabeth out of there and out of his life quickly.
Natalie & Jesse – ugghhhhh….no comprendo! WHY???? She is dirty with a capital D. She makes even the most obnoxious people I know (and oh yes, I know many) seem tame. He is tainting himself by taking a dip in that pool…soooo disappointed! Surprisingly though Natalie seems to stay true to her “core” and she has a strong group of friends…if Tenley gets that excited over her then Natalie must not be too terrible BUT I still think Jesse is too good for her AND I think by hooking up so quickly and blatantly that they have both taken themselves out of this game. Hope the hook-up is worth it.
Gia = still lisps but still lovely….and plastic-y.
Craig = his pompadour and his clothing choices are as hideous as is he, but whatever. He actually is taking it easy on the Weatherman so he isn’t as difficult to watch this time. BUT, he is still a douche bag.
Weatherman = Trying so hard to be a little Casanova but he will always be our Little Weatherman. In case you missed him playing the guitar while Natalie sang (at the very end) I almost peed my pants when I heard him sing the word G-string…it was like hearing a 2 year old say “oh shit”….wrong but shockingly funny at the same time. I think he will do ok because I the girls will look at him as a brother. As long as he forgoes jackets with zippers, I am up for some more weather reports.
Kiptyn = Love Kiptyn, I do, but WHY was he wearing that belted army green jacket??? He wore that piece of crap during his stint with Jillian. Please leave the ugly jackets to the Weatherman and you just show up being cute and normal, calm and Tenley’s new dance partner please. No more, no less.
Tenley = sweetness is in the mutha fuckin’ house ya’ll! Did anyone else catch her dance routine? If she does that continuously they will vote her ass off. I don’t care how cute she is, that would bug the crap even out of the Pope. Just get your Kiptyn thing rolling and try to contain your split leaps and sashays and Disney on Broadway dance routines to a minimum.
Krisily = white trash….still.
Gwen – hmmmmm….this was an interesting call. What I thought was really interesting is that they show her age as ?? Ummm, does that mean we are all ?? cuz I know that she isn’t THAT old. I was a bit deflated when Jesse said that he looks at Gwen like the “mom” of the house. Ya, well that isn’t how he was talking when I was hanging out with him in Peculiar. Not sure what her plan is but she needs to step it up a notch…..
Jessie (the female) – Hi Rockin’ bod…clearly she has never given birth. She said more in tonight’s show then she said during her entire stint on the Bachelor. None of it was that memorable though so whether she talks or not probably doesn’t matter…the guys think she is hot, so she will stay awhile.
Dave = not as big of a pig as he was in the past but the night is still young. Ditto for Wes and more to come…
Nikki = please, someone tell her that her make-up is waaayyy to caked on. I will say kudos to her though for getting Juan’s weenie ass out of there so quickly. I am a fan of those who learn the lesson of “burn me once shame on you, burn me twice shame on me”…she had revenge on her mind and victory was hers tonight…impressive. She still needs to chill on the pancake face though~
Ashley = Any time you want to crawl out of Elizabeth’s ass and join the rest of us here, feel free. How long have you known her? A minute? And you are crying with her over Jesse K? IS this the Miss America pageant? Oh c’mon…play the game bimbo and please leave your nurses costume out of it this time.
If I forgot anyone sorry, but it is sort of their fault for not giving me a great reason to remember them. This show is trouble on a stick. The Bachelor peeps have just thrown so much shit in a pot, gave it a really great stir and now they are just sitting back and watching it brew. Classic. I was sucked in fast (shocker) and how can you not be? The sleeping situation alone is enough to keep me hooked. We have a few weeks of pure, unadulterated, mindless fun ahead and I say “why the hell not?” As Kasey (guard and protect her heart) would say, “Jump on in, the waters fine”….and yes, if Jesse is in the water, then it is real fine!
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