Week One...Jake Meets The Ladies

As I drifted off to sleep lst night I found my head a whirling dervish of Bachelorette scenarios.  Who are these people and why do we watch???

So many things wrong and so little time to touch on all of them but I will try....Let us start with the subtitle to the show "On The Wings Of Love"?  Really?  When the instrumental version of this song started up in the background as Jake, in his Top Gun'esque scene stood at the break of the Pacific, looking out into the sunset wondering about his future Mrs. Jake, I found myself with my mouth hanging open, half expecting Jeffrey Osbourne to pop onto the sand singing his song.  Please Lord, make it stop and don't ruin my sweet 1980's memories of me slow dancing to that song with Kevin Koewler at the 8th grade grad party~

Jake is hot, I will give him that.  I am very happy watching him emerge in slow mo from the pool, all wet and rockin' body, chiseled face (and ab's), I can enjoy watching him ride his motorcycle like he is some bad ass, I am all for the handy man scenes of him building God knows what in his backyard, especially if he is doing it shirtless, BUT the minute he smiles and or talks, it is all gone.  The Buzz Kill.  His gooey, sweet, down home Texas boy, "this time the nice guy is going to finish first" thing.  I said to Jerad, "If he were just a little bit of an ass it would sooooo work in his favor."

WHAT WAS WITH THE JILLIAN AND ED cameo?  Seriously????  We do not need them paraded on tv to make us all believe that all is fine in loveland.  Clearly Ed was checking out the ladies and Jillian seemed  little uncomfortable in the environment.  Why the girls were treating them like tv stars is beyond me to.  If I were one of the Bachelorette's I would have said "Why are you 2 here?  Wasn't once enough for you (ed) and twice for you (jillian)?  You guys kind of look like losers being here".  Yep, that is what I would have said!

I don't know how much "Jake I Can Take" but of course the ladies always spice things up.....

Tenley, sweet little "I failed at marriage, he was the only man I ever kissed and who de-flowered me, I am a dancer and played Ariel for 3 YEARS, and yes I am crying because I persued him and went for the first kiss now I might go to hell" Tenley.  Listen Girl, you got the first impression rose.  You 2 are two little peas in a pod, you will make super cute and ultra sweet, cherubic babies together whose only sin may be that they say the word "Damn!"....once!  This is Heather's pick (for now) and she is up there high on my list although I am hoping for someone more gritty, crazy and less virgin-like to shake him up...

Vienna....anyone named after a European city, who dresses her dog and has mommy and me days with it, trips in the opener while cruising the Floridian coast line in high-heels and a bikini is not for Jake.  A wasted pick and a strange one at that!

Ella..."Red Alert" "Red Alert"...PLEASE STAY CLEAR OF ALL WOMEN WHO INTRODUCE THEMSELVES AS YOUR FUTURE WIFE"  So WEIRD!!!  And why would you give your child's favorite toy, albeit a plane to this strange man and lie and tell him that he has played with it so much that the paint has worn off and that he wanted you to have it?  Sure, she was probably scratching the paint off the entire flight to LA after she bought it at an airport kiosk!  I say "No Way"

Elizabeth...is it fair that she looks like Megan Fox?  She is stunning, says Faith is her number one and likes to throw the football around....I don't know though...bad vibes from the stunner.  The other stunner, Rozlynn has me wondering too....hmmmm, what is her gig????  Are one of these girls going to be the one with children and all of the secrets????

Rounding off the "stuck in my memory girls" why is he keeping the psycho?  She seemed so cute and real when she came flying in making airplane noises only to creep us out, already sure that she is in love with Jake?  Heather is right...RIGGED...NBC's call.  She is certain to make us talk and we will all ask many times "what is she still doing here???!!!" and obviously, that is the plan~

My keeper's are Ali  (yellow dress, lost her voice) and Kathryn (airline stewardess who wears fake ring, short purple dress).  I will throw Tenley in the mix as well because as I mentioned before I can see them together. 

Gia = weird and there are a few other faces I can see but can't remember their names...always a bad sign, especially if I can't remember their names!

We will fall into the trap, not a lot on Monday nights anyway and we will find ourselves rooting for someone or being torn by two.  We will be appalled when the most dramatic events in Bachlorette history start to unravel and we will wait with bated breath to see who it was who did what after being teased with each week's preview of the episode to come.  We are gluttons for dirty reality tv punishment and we are not alone.  So I say, sit back, fasten your seat belts as we fly right along with them all.  Props to the dirty Cambodian girl from Santa Rosa...he can land his plane on her landing strip anytime ;)  I am sure that is only the beginning of shocking things to come!  CHEERS!