ALOHA to Ben & Courtney

So there we go…the Big Finale has come and gone and I am left feeling not as disgusted as I expected.  That’s a bonus considering how this season of The Bachelor has gone. 

We all knew Courtney was Ben’s final choice.  It played out pretty much how I thought it would.  I did however expect his sister to be a lot tougher on Courtney.  How convenient was her immediate question to Ben of “so were there any girls in the house who caused drama?”.  OK creative editing and producing/coaching of said sister.  Clearly they wanted the lead in and she gave it but no doubt it would have come up anyway.  I was blown away that mom and sister were “blown away” by Courtney (although I was finding it hard to value Julia’s opinion while she was wearing that little beret). I don’t know that I could ever define Courtney that way, unless of course you are talking about her body then perhaps, but her demeanor, baby talk, her uncanny knack for “talking up” (she goes up like 4 octaves from the start of a sentence to an end) and of course, the infamous pursing of the mouth would do many things to me but “blow me away”???  Nope.  Regardless of all of her little “bending of the truth” and continuous defense of “none of the girls really tried to get to know me” just didn’t matter because we all knew how this rodeo would end.

Speaking of rodeos…Lindzi with a Z hit a rough patch here, there and everywhere.  I guess you could consider her nervous dropping of the fork not once, twice but 3 times, endearing.  I don’t know if it was necessary to confess out loud that she gets nervous when she “has to eat proper in front of people” but out it slipped.  She clearly was stressed, with 2 little cysts residing on her chin and the right side of her lip.  They sort of took center stage there for a while.  As a woman who deals with these more regularly than I would like, I know how painful they can be.  And so I ask, WHY did they not put her left side to the camera (on the gondola picnic) so she could hide those?  Poor baby.  When Ben went in for a smooch I noticed he took over the one to the side of her mouth.  I am sure she was praying that he didn’t kiss the cover up away.  I seriously missed out on their entire conversation because I was fixated on the cysts.  But like I said…I already knew the outcome so I wasn’t invested and sadly I was more interested in the cysts appearing and/or suddenly disappearing based on the shot...how killer would it be if we could just edit our acne out?

The Dump & Proposal….

Excuse me but what were the capes all about?  I felt like the girls were headed to the Elfin Forrest.  And speaking of Elfin Forrest….was it really that necessary to have the Matterhorn as the back drop?  So much so that they had to stage the Proposal Pedestal in what appeared to be a fire ravaged piece of property complete with fake green bushes tucked in as healthy foliage and strategically placed clumps of snow (it was dirty snow people) on the steps leading up to the tree trunk with a rose and pinecone sitting atop it?  That was a lot of work for that view and what a waste.  Of all the beautiful places in Zermatt and that was what they came up with?  The dresses could not have been their calls either or at least I hope not.  Courtney looked like she was ready for an evening at The Met and if someone could please explain the reason behind the elbow length black leather gloves???  It was all weird…all of it.  The path the girls had to travel just to get to the Lord of the Rings was the most inconvenient and least high heel friendly of all the altars to date. 

I am not sure why Ben told Lindzi he had fallen in love with her just to tell her seconds later that he had fallen in love with someone else more.  One would think that after being on the other side fairly recently that he would have had something poignant and comforting to say to her.  Here I go again expecting more from Ben then what he is capable of but God, he could have been better than that for her in that moment.  Clearly Lindzi didn’t seem to have too much of an issue with what he said or didn’t say because when she threw out “if it doesn’t work out call me” (WHAT??!!???????????) I think I threw up in my mouth while my husband burst out laughing louder than I have heard in a longtime.  Even my seasoned Bachelor/Bachelorette 12 year old groaned “oh no!”  WHAT she was thinking (I am thinking she wasn’t)? I don’t know but I am hopeful she cringed when she watched that play out last night.  Good God.

Ben’s proposal to Courtney was great…it really was.  If I liked her more I would have gotten chills and been teary eyed for her.  Honestly I was again sidetracked but this time not by acne… I was so busy breaking down if she had one of those little finger holes to push her ring finger through or if she was going to remove the OJ Simpson Isotoner to free up her ring finger…I think you all saw her whip the glove off.  It was very Ben and Courtney…baby talking, talking up the scales from a C to about an F, little 4 word punchy sentences, small little kisses and scrunched up noses.  May they live happily ever after…

Which after watching a quite emotional “After The Final Rose” it appears that they just actually might.  I liked her a little bit during that show.  If she could have just been vulnerable like everyone else, embraced her insecurities instead of be mean to hide them and acted like a human being then we would have all probably applauded their ending.  Ben is no picnic himself and Courtney definitely has her work cut out for her with him.  He needs to turn the ego dial waaayyyy dwon and invest in a razor.  I am not sure what look he was going for with his “pre-pubescent facial hair growth” but whatever he was trying to achieve I can safely say he didn’t.  A note here:  I just looked at the picture of him and a mystery girl in US (he said last night he didn’t kiss any girls while they were apart) and he very clearly has his hand on her ass and if that isn’t kissing then I am not sure what is. 

I said a few blogs ago that Courtney would be the only girl in that mix who could put up with Ben.  After watching last night I think that these two may very well be soul mates and although Courtney is someone I wouldn’t pick for any guy I know, after seeing this side of Ben, he isn’t someone I would ever pick for any girl I know so they are probably exactly where they are meant to be AND oddly enough I hope they make it. 

As I am coming into my fourth hour of a five hour plane ride to Maui I am in the best place I have been yet when saying goodbye to another Bachelor run.  If only all of my sign off’s could find me heading to paradise!  Speaking of paradise we of course have Bachelor Pad looming in the not too distant future and another run at love featuring Emily.  I am having a hard time warming up to that one but something tells me I will find my quiet, demure, gently opinionated voice in time to share my thoughts & feelings with all of you ;)  Until then Bachelor Peeps, I am going to enjoy my complimentary mai tai, the sound of the surf and a break from blogging!  Mahalo & Aloha~

Ben Sucks....

I know, I know…this blog is late in coming…almost 2 weeks now and here is the reason why:

Thanks to the likes of Reality Steve and just about every tabloid out there it seems pretty certain that Ben ends up with Cwhoretney. What can I possibly say about that other then “You Dumbass!”

He really had the chance to find himself a quality girl but instead of thinking with his head he decided to go the very male route, think with his other head and make a totally stupid call. His loss.

I started to love Nicki (yes, I know she babbles too much and uses like more then any person should ever use it and her occasional doe-eye look made me want to reach out and smack her one, but she is so genuine it hurts)and even Lindzi has grown on me (naaaayyyyyyyyy!)...of course anyone looks better then Courtney. Too much, too little, too late (insert tune here…to ever try again…) for her. Ben thought her “apology” in Switzerland made everything better (?) although I am not sure if I actually heard her use the words “I am sorry”. She interrupted him a lot, defended herself even more, played with her hair, twitched her nose and lips and didn’t seem all that remorseful...how totally Courtney. If there is any remorse it is that she FINALLY came to the realization that she is going to have a lot of explaining to do and spend a lot of time trying to fix her reputation when this is all said and done and THAT my friends is what she is sorry for.

I am sure the “Women Tell All” will be spicy as I know Courtney shows up. Pretty sure there is a big red target painted across her A cup chest and the girls will all have arrows pulled tightly in their bows. I say "FIRE!" I saw Ben being interviewed after the “Women Tell All” taping on Extra and they asked him if he could do this all over again would he and he emphatically responded “Absolutely NOT”. Probably a smart call…clearly he sucks at picking a great girl.

Ohhhh, such a cluster f*C_ this show. I had such HIGH hopes for Ben and I am just disappointed all around. I really don’t even like him anymore and thus a point is proved; It really does take a long time to truly get to know & love someone. I went from love to hate over a 2 show run…oh, the range of emotion I experienced at the hands of him ;) The Trista and Ryan thing was a fluke and oddly enough Ashley made what seems to be the right choice in JP so far but give it time. Jason and Molly don’t really count because she got sloppy seconds…Do over! Do over! I say it every season...there is a reason why a majority of these people are still single and it isn't because they just can't find someone. It is becasue they are whacked.

So, not sure if I will continue to blog this one out. I would love to be shocked and have him pick Lindzi with a Z at the end but I won’t be holding my breath. IF I feel motivated and/or disgusted enough I will sit down and write it out and let you know. Otherwise, this one has been a long, strange, bad hair trip! The places they have travelled, hardly ever staying at the mansion, all the money spent on flights and hotels…I am sure the Bachelor peeps were hoping for something better than this. OR maybe this is exactly what they were hoping for. All I know is we got tricked…AGAIN!

Ok…I am off to read my new US and yes, the cover reads “CAUGHT CHEATING” with a split screen picture of Ben and Courtney…does this count towards their 5 minutes of fame??? Please...the sooner we start the sooner we can be done with them both! See, every cloud does have a silver lining~

Who Knew One Man Could Own So Many Different Tank Tops?

It’s a tank top world and Ben is very comfortable living in it. I don’t recall suggesting that he trade out his cut off shorts for tank tops but shit what do I know?

I clearly know nothing since I never thought Courtney would still be standing there. I do not read Reality Steve but others do and have brought it to my attention SPOILER ALERT that it comes down to Lindzi with a Z and Cwhoretney, and he mentions Ben’s final pick but I will not reveal here. If that is his cup of tea then I would rather not receive my antioxidants that way.

Lindzi with a Z is okay, she really is but it is the constant head tilted down to the left and eyes looking up from under her lashes that bugs me not to mention her 20 packs a day rasp. The rasp could be perceived as sexy at the start but now it reminds me of that commercial where the lady takes a drag of her cigarette through her tracheotomy hole…visual anyone??? So, it looks like a weekend of “bow legged, I just dismounted a horse” walking for Ben and true bliss for Lindzi…horse and girl reunite and Ben falls in love at the scene. Oh how idyllic for them…the message in the bottle, the weekend on horseback…sigh…GAG.

Kasey B….how could it not be you? It looks as though your daddy throws some major salt in your game next week on hometowns. Could he have ended it for you? Things look good for you from where I am sitting but you know, if you aren’t willing to skinny dip, bare your boobies or have sex in the ocean with Ben after 2 weeks of knowing him, well then you just might be ass out on this one. The same goes for Nikki. I was a little shocked that she stayed but he dumped the blondes (he has always professed his love for brunettes) and is moving on.

Speaking of the blondes. What an IDIOT. Really? Would you not way rather have daily conversations with Emily? Huh? What’s that you say? Ohhhhh, ya, he isn’t interested in smart girls who like to converse. Not comfortable with someone who is smarter than him, even though he did say his dad always said his mom was smarter than him which was one of the reasons he married her. If I want any more crap out of Ben I will squeeze his head. That Rachel was a good girl too, so it makes sense that he would get rid of her as well. AND WHY IS HE NOT GIVING THEM 3 MINUTES OF HIS TIME AT THE GOOD BYE??? Sooo rude. I wanted Emily to have her chance to rap out why he is such a loser with horrible judgement. Maybe she will bust it out at the Girls Tell All.

Okaaaayyyyy so this brings us once again to the stick figure with the throbbing vein in her forehead. I was so certain the elevation change when climbing the Mayan ruin would be enough to make it burst and cause her to bleed out. Is it wrong that I find myself wishing something like that for her? Maybe tripping on the steps with a tumble backwards a mere 300 feet? Would have made for some action packed viewing and would have perhaps made up for the fact that I grabbed a puke bowl and parked it next to me for safety measures while enduring the painful viewing of Courtney. I was praying the rosary that he would not give her an individual date as I would have loved to see her really walk away over that. Call her on her BS…guess we’ll never know. There are so many places to go when discussing this Demon that I am almost overwhelmed by it all. The baby talk, the “losing the spark Babe…I’m losing the spark”, the desperation on his face over her losing the spark…how he suddenly had diarrhea of the mouth when pleading with her to get the spark back, the lying about the girls not wanting to get to know her???? WHAT!? Terry the Tarantuala??? Could we not get a break here and have it bite her arm off? It was a hot one out there with his sweaty, greasy hair and her fanning herself as hard as her little paper fan would go. Anyone notice that we only see Courtney in water at night? She didn’t even get a dip in the heat…..Is this a swimsuit model who might not be able to actually swim well? It leaves me to wonder….All parts of her leave me to wonder. I am sure Ben’s mother is wondering “Really? You picked the skinny dipper who gave it up in week 2 over the Phd candidate? “. Raised a winner.

Ohhhh Cwhoretney. This girl has somehow managed to get in all of our heads. I give her credit for being Master of all Jedi Mind Tricks…she is good at what she does. I would like to believe that Ben has been blinded by the intercourse but I really just can’t imagine she was THAT good. Whatever it is, whatever she does, whatever she’s got I don’t want it EVER. It is a scary thing when a girl can make Vienna look like a sweetheart and she has certainly done that. It appears that she might be the one. How is this possible you ask? Ben might just be intrigued by the idea of a model. “Hey friends…look what I got…my very own model.” She has played him like Kim and Chris played all of us…smoke and mirror’s baby. That’s cool, let her sleep & lie her way into his heart, get her five minutes of People and US covers of fame, maybe a few stints on day and night time talk shows and then fade off into the world of Bachelor/Bachelorette “has been’s”. Our Cwhoretney time will be reduced to background noise and then of course we will have to endure her lovely self on Bachelor Pad. I can’t imagine that they are in it for the long haul and very possibly not at all but I think it is time we prepare ourselves for the worst case scenario people and I can’t imagine anything being more so than a life lived spent with her!

Did I Hear Jamie's Dress Rip???

Oh Jamie. Shit. I am hiding my face in my arms with my head on the ottoman. Please. Stop. The. Madness. Did her dress just rip? Why is she mounting him and why is she directing the kiss? I think she might be a little drunk (for her sake I so hope she is) but regardless this has to go down as one of THE most awkward Bachelor moments to date. It is a shame they had to show this on National TV…poor, poor girl. All that and still no rose…ShOcKeR.

Kasey S…She is in the running for “Ugliest Crier.” I think perhaps she does need therapy. Hmmm…trying to fall out of love with one boy by falling in love with another? Yes, because that works and is a super healthy way to start off. Like starting off via Bachelor is even healthy but then you go and throw this loop in? It is called, “break up, spend some time getting to know Kasey, like her, date some, get drunk at bars and wake up in a few random beds, take a walk of shame (or 2), go on more dates and maybe, just maybe you will find that you have forgotten all about the boy who didn’t want to marry you and maybe meet the one who does. It really is that simple and NO, I am not typing from experience!

And as if we didn’t have enough Awkward Moments tonight why don’t we hop on the “Crazy Train” and take a ride with Blakely? Blakely made Ben a book…looks sort of like the kind I made for my boyfriend WHEN I WAS A 16 YEAR OLD SOPHMORE IN HS! REALLY??? How does she think she is falling in love when she hasn’t even had any one on one time? Feeling she was out for the win not the boy. There are lots of “perhaps'” for her demise but I get a strong sense that it came down to clothing. Again, another romper… this one in blue rayon with another big elastic belt around her waist. Not to mention the men’s oxford shirt with the black thong underneath that she wore to dinner with yet again, another elastic 4 inch high belt. Any girl who regularly catalog shops at Fredericks is not going home to Sonoma. Never saw her hanging with mom and sis anyway. Back to VIP’ing the tables and to wherever it is that she perfected her shimmy and sway. Works for Salsa but not for Ben.

Happy for Rachael…she is starting to grow on me. I still don’t see them together but she is a beautiful girl and definitely one of the “good ones”.

Kasey B..so as my husband and I were both drooling over her rockin’ body we were suddenly sobered by her admission of anorexia and bulimia…both awful diseases and so serious. So, as there are MANY awful yet funny comments I can interject here, as a mom of 2 girls I will not do so…big believer in Karma and all. I now will however be watching to see what she does (or does not) eat…another obsession, compliments of this show. I would like to comment however that she wears wayyyy to much make up on beach dates and in general…oh those Southern Girls like their pretties!

Emily…she is just a cool chick. I hope Ben is kicking himself, hard, in the balls for being such a dick, especially where she was concerned. She is classy and she can rap a mean beat. Bring it Jay-Z…he aint got nothin’ on this blonde, smart, PHD, more than likely privileged white girl. There will be plenty more where she is concerned, twitchy nose and all.

I bet like you were all focused on like how many times Nikki said “Like” last night weren’t you? Like, she like said it like A LOT.

Lindzi with a Z. I keep trying, I really do, but I just don’t love her. I know Ben does but then again he likes Courtney so I don’t think his opinion counts. She is dorky, her teeth are big, her dimple is so deep that you can see the foundation that she cakes on pooling within, not to mention (again) that she is really young. Young in age only works when the person is mature…she is just young. I wonder if she is missing her horse? I think it might be time to go back to the ranch and go for a ride (and no, not on Ben).

Courtney, Courtney, Courtney. There are no words…well, who are we kidding, actually there are plenty of words. First of all, you have no boobs, so going topless under the bead top was not that impressive…just silly. You had no right to dance or play soccer with those little loin cloth wearing tribe babies …probably scarred them for life. You got dissed by Ben…he probably went to Kasey B’s room instead of yours and yes, even though you looked killer in your white bikini and Ben probably sprung wood just watching you, don’t be so flattered…he was only with Jamie after all. Anyone who wears a necklace with their own name on it sucks BUT there is a slim chance that the only girl who could stand being part of an “ever after” with Ben is her. I am not sure if any of the others are tough enough to put up with his crap…

I am liking him less and less. Yes, I just typed that. He is a baby, unwilling to compromise and a power tripper. He will eat the Kasey B’s and Lindzi’s of the world alive. Mentally abusive much? Really, Courtney is the only one who could throw his shit back at him, which is why she will not be the last girl standing (clearly amongst many other reasons). I really want to be wrong about Ben but as I see these girls open up I see him getting cockier and cockier. He simply shuts down the minute he doesn’t like something. And speaking of cockier…nice loin cloth. I don’t care if you are in Panama with the natives, please do not do that again. There really is never a good time to wear one of those things. Finally, I have MAJOR issues with all of the cut-off shorts he was sporting last night. I was mortified by the skin tight white pair he had on when exiting the jeep at the hotel in Panama and although the khaki pair with the blue gingham shirt worked much better (minus the micro flare at the hem…doesn’t he know that will make his thighs look fat?) a tailored hem would be best. I am not sure why this guy is so hemmed challenged but if I were his betrothed it would be tops on my list of “Things I Need To Fix As Soon As We Are Engaged….” C’mon married girls…we all had (and maybe still have) a list.

Adios to Panama and on to Belize…Is Courtney’s dirty charade going to come to an end? Is Lindzi going to carve “I love Ben” in the side of her foundation laden cheek to prove her love? Will Nikki try to minimize the use of the word “like” to 2 per rambling sentence? Whatever happens this is the “chop down” to hometowns so claws (and as long is Courtney is around who knows what other body parts) will be out. Game on!

Sweaty In Puerto Rico & Ummm, Are Those Tuxedo Pants Capris???

Like okay, now on to like, Puerto Rico. I say this like, loathingly but Nicki was like a nice surprise. She is actually prettier then I gave her credit for and like cooler too and I think Ben really like likes her. Her date was like one of those “really get to know one another” sort of dates and like I always find those to be a huge like benefit to whichever girls lands one. The complete weather wash out helped as like anything they truly had planned probably didn’t happen due to the like torrential downpour. Watching a wedding together like totally helps the cause in this environment as well. I do have like a bone to pick with her though…She BETTER stop using “like” like every other word. Like it makes listening to her and like trying to like her like super hard. Other than that I think she may be Ben’s dark horse…like wow.

Blakeley…I couldn’t watch their entire scene. I seriously averted my eyes to the right (sort of peering out of my left corner just a smidgen though) and held my left hand up over to the side of my left cheek. What is her story? The “confession or admission of sorts” and then the kiss and then Ben was so fired up that she opened up last night. If she is hot and cold in the house chances are she is a moody girl in general. I am just not a fan unless of course I am picking teams for a ball game, then she is my number one choice. I get a strong sense that someone is looking to replace her daddy (I bet if we delved deep enough on this one we would find she was raised without a dad). Lots of emotional turmoil brewing under that tatted up arm, big boobies, stompin’ VIP waitress and so to that I say “run Ben run.”Always hard to bring a stripper home to mom and sis anyway.

Lindzi was pretty and perky last night, like Lindzi with a Z always is. She still has not grown on me but clearly she is growing on him…I still don’t know. Sorry Lindzi Lovers but I need a lot more from her before I can dedicate an entire paragraph to her.

Kacie B is still rolling right along and it would be a shock to see her go anytime soon. Did anyone catch her encouraging Blakely to pull it together and go tell Ben exactly what she was feeling? That was pretty damn selfless. Another rose for her and one step closer to Ben for sure. I will say that this girl has some of the frizziest, tightest curly hair I have ever seen and the weather in Puerto Rico clearly is not her friend but Ben seems to be happy with her hair no matter what is going on there.
Emily decided to give the “Courtney Talk” another go and ya, it just didn’t go well…again. I do have Ben concerns. He does not want to hear what he doesn’t want to hear. He has shown a few moments of turning into the biggest dick and somehow shuts her down. What I find odd is that for as smart as Emily is, this behavior he has now twice put on display for her is missed? Could it be that she gets so caught up in twitching her nose to and fro that she loses all sense of what is really going on around her? What is that? I count when she does it which I don’t really want to do but I can’t stop (could this be my new OCD?)…6 is her number to beat. It becomes so difficult to focus on anything that she is saying when she starts to go left, then right, and then left again. Her little mouth tightens up and off she goes.This could perhaps be the main reason why she is still single. Ben is barley just tolerating her as it is and I am afraid as soon as he gets the hang of her twitch she will to and fro herself right on out the door.

So when we saw a whopping 5 minutes of Elise and Ben’s date I knew her number was up. The one shoulder dress not once but twice didn’t impress and the lack of chemistry was glaring. Her exit was no surprise, simply long overdue and don’t be surprised if you see her hanging with Pauly, Vinny, Snooki and Sammy on next week’s episode of Jersey Shore.

Can we talk about the fact that Ben was wearing capri tuxedo pants? Who thought of that and who ever thought that that might be a good look on anyone? What in the hell was that? I may simply not have accepted a rose from him if he were presenting it while donning those pants. He is looking greasy and sweaty in Puerto Rico as it is and he is not doing himself any favors by dressing that way. I am hopeful that is the only pair he has like that and I am even more hopeful that they washed out to sea when the tide picked them up off the beach while he was skinny dipping with CWhoretney.

Speaking of the little tramp, her parents must be so proud of their girl right about now. I don’t know many men that find ultra-skinny girls overly attractive, especially ones with foreheads big enough to fry an egg on. She has this vein that sort of throbs in her forehead as well. She is classless, dirty, and skanky and she is playing him like a little fiddle. Speaking of little fiddles, do you think they did it? Yes, I am reverting to 7th grade and saying “did it”. How could they have not, right? They were hugging, naked in the ocean. IF I am the chosen girl watching that scene I am beyond livid and that is big for me to say as I almost always side with the Bachelor/Bachelorette when it comes down to all the kissing and hooking up. However, this hook up is early in the game and it is with the biggest ho in the tool shed. Bad, bad call on his part and again another side of Ben not to like. He kept saying this was a bad idea and he did it anyway. He was weak and no doubt will make excuses for it later. No regard for any of the girls in the house…just regards for his little fiddle.

CWhoretney…where do they grow her kind? Does she not realize that quoting Charlie Sheen is pathetic? We do all realize that this girl is only here to further her career and nothing more, right? She is enjoying her 10 minutes of fame and is only interested in making sure that the camera is on her. I know she gives us reasons to drop our jaw every week but I truly will not miss her when Ben drops her on her bony ass next week (fingers crossed!

He keeps Jaime in the awful dress, whoever she is, and keeps the other Kasey but lets beautiful Jennifer go? I told you that he would overlook the right type of girl that he needs but I thought she would at least make it to hometowns…apparently so did she. My sister was not a fan of her crying melt down, I however felt that it was full of true emotion and that she was really hurt by him. I know there were some interesting snorts, gurgles and intakes of breath on her part but we can’t all be pretty criers. I think he just said good bye to quality and that is his loss. A quick note…he is giving them NOTHING on the good bye. No talking about it at all. Sort of puts them in the limo and shuts the door after he hugs with a little pat on the back…Ashley did the same last season. I feel at this point in the process these girls deserve a little explanation. I am not surprised that I am feeling let down by Ben, how could you not (?) but there is still a lot of time and a few quality girls left so maybe he will pull it together and fall back in my good graces. I am not holding my breath though…too busy counting twitches & the number of times Courtney says “winning” not to mention the number of tats on Blakeley’s arms and the amount of straightening balm Kasey B has to use to tame her frizz. Damn, this show has become exhausting!

Lots of Weird Ticks In This House...

Good God what in the hell is wrong with Courtney’s face and lips? Her thin little lips are always folding over her front teeth and she wiggles her nose like Samantha in Bewitched. She looks paralyzed…botox gone wrong? She was all draped across the ottoman posing with her rose. I know sheis a model (and still totally trying to figure that one out…clearly there is hope for all of us!) but can someone let her know she is not on a shoot? She would like to “rip Emily’s head off and verbally assault her” and is threatening to shave Emily’s eyebrows while she sleeps? Yet she is confused on anyone thinking she isn’t nice? This girl is awful. If she says “winning” in her annoying little voice again I will reach through the tv and snap her little 105 lbs., Dijon loving, mustard yellow beret wearing, skinny little lips on her paralyzed face body in half. Shame on Ben for not seeing what a bitch she is and “HA” to him for getting played by her for the rose.I was so hopeful that the current would knock her down and carry her away but no such luck. I can’t wait for her to go down along with her little gossip-y sidekick Casey (not to be confused with Kacie B). I don’t know what she is talking for…her days in the house are numbered.

Poor Emily….Model Chick is going to haunt her as much as she can. I wish Emily had told her to shut her twitchy lip pie hole and scram. Courtney will eat Emily alive if she doesn’t toughen up.

Again, disappointed in Ben for over-looking Emily’s concerns. This is a smart girl who probably isn’t a regular tattle tale of sorts. I thought he would take some of what she told him to heart. I think we are seeing a hot-head side to Ben and not sure if it is a side I like. You do have to wonder why these people are all still single/can’t find love. I get the feeling he won’t do well with a strong woman..that he prefers the soft, docile type. He could have some control issues…Speaking of hot head..although I was not a huge fan of Samantha, that was the strangest “dump” yet. She was pushing for some more one on one time and he snapped. It was so strange and she clearly was mortified or was she drunk?. Her poor little mouth (there are a lot of strange mouths in this batch) and teeth all pushed out...her pointy little nose…the whole look wasn’t good and apparently ben agreed.

Kacie B…stop needing reassurance every date…although it may work to your benefit because like I said he may like the “damsel in distress” thing. Regardless, you are a beautiful girl who everyone seems to love so “buck up!” and stop fawning. The little insecure girl act is getting old .

Jennifer had a good date…I like her. I personally feel that she is a good yin to his yang, gin to his tonic, Heart and Soul to his Entertainer (you get the gist) but this may all be lost on him. Opposites attract for a reason and I think her consistency and discipline would be good for his free spirit BUT if history repeats itself (again and again and again) he will probably send her home after hometowns and end up with someone who doesn’t balance him and then break-up before the year is over. Same story, just different players.

Loved the Bathroom Beauty Parlour scene. Blakeley is a hair stylist on top of being a VIP waitress? She is a woman with many talents! Let’s not forget her “stomping” ability which was actually impressive. Nice that they can all get their roots touched up while on location AND have someone hold their drink in front of their face for a quick sip while having hair done. Sign me up!

Bye Monica…never thought she stood a chance. Was she crying for Ben or crying for Blakely? I suppose we may find out at the “Women Tell All”.

You Should Have Stayed In Chico...

Shhhhhhh? You hear that crash? And now smell the burn? Yup…that is Shawntel and her brief run at trying to win Ben’s heart. Dude, I fell in love with him last season watching him and you don’t see me showing up at the Fairmont for the rose ceremony. The whole I am married with 2 children is just details people so don’t bring that into it. I’m just saying what made her think, other than urging by the Bachelor people telling her to come on the show and give it a run because Ben probably mentioned in passing that Shawntel Newton would be the kind of girl that he might go for, that this was a smart idea? (You might need to re-read that as that was a killer run on sentence!). She looked sort of beat…I was surprised. I expected her to look a little bit more polished maybe? She didn’t walk into the most comfortable of situations so that must have been awkward but nothing could be more awkward then Ben dismissing her. In fairness to Shawntel, she gave it a go but if she could get a “do over” something tells me she would opt to stay at the morgue. Side note: her sister is dating Aaron Rodgers (Green Bay quarterback).

Please may I put a bikini on and ski down a city street in SF? The shit this show is able to pull off these days is unbelievable. Where do these girls and their bodies come from? I ask that while eating a freshly baked chocolate brownie with chocolate chips added to the batter to make it extra chocolaty with a scoop of Ben & Jerry’s Vanilla ice cream on top and no, I am not making this up. This could be why you will never see me skiing in a bikini anywhere. Definitely entertaining and a big plus for Kaci B…for sportsmanship, best body in bikini & skiing butt forward while bending down touching her toes. I can only imagine what I might look like in that situation??? Quick pause while I go and grab ANOTHER BROWNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big fan of Emily this go round…cool chick. Props on finishing the climb up the Bay Bridge. I don’t care if Ben is the prize….I wouldn’t do it. I had vertigo just from watching. That was so balls-y of them both…absolutely terrifying. Don’t try and act like that is something you would LOVE to try either…I am so not buying it. On that note…she got the “conquer her fear” date which always leads to a top finish. I have nothing negative to say about her…I really enjoyed being on that date with them. But refer back to what I have heard about her…she might be the next Bachelorette so don’t go getting to attached to the idea of her and Ben. Unless it isn’t THIS Emily but Brad’s Emily…hmmmmmmmm???

Lindzi with a Z. I don’t know…it is like she is a little girl with this big eye wonderment. She was just to giggly and young and seemed really juvenile after Emily. Does she even know what a “speak easy” is? She clearly didn’t know that was Matt Nathanson singing a super hot song and she was off beat and a sloppy dancer…that song and moment deserved a little bit more. And how did she not at least know “Heart & Soul” on the piano? Had she whipped that out to his “Entertainer” she would go so much further. ALWAYS have “Heart & Soul” in your repertoire people. She is sweet enough but I am not a huge fan of “sweet” and although I think she will be around for a while, her saccharine may start to cause a little cavity in the back molar. Side note…did she get the date that Brittney was supposed to have? That was a strange exit. Guess Grandma is bummed.
Casey, Jaclyn & Samantha? Hmmm, you might be asking yourself? Me too. (I typed this before the end of the show…latrons Jaclyn. And why was she so shocked? I don’t know that Ben even talked to her for more than 5 minutes in 2 shows)

Shall we talk Rose Ceremony? You’ve got Courtney playing one of her multiple personalities and mentioning babies to Ben. I was wishing for a strong wind to come and blow her over the side of the roof. Since it didn’t and she stayed, another one of her personalities emerged, this one calling Shawntel “what’s her butt” to Ben’s face upon accepting a rose and then shouting “Sayanara” as Shawntel left. Super classy girl . I think that may have been the strong wind I was hoping for and anytime now this girl will implode all at the hands of herself, not before causing more drama though.

Elyse…you can take the girl out of Jersey but you can’t take Jersey out of the girl. Crazy part is I have no idea if she is even from Jersey…just going with an educated guess here.

Finally our Panic Attacker of the evening. Tatoo’d inner lip, law student Erika. A trial lawyer she better not be. She hyper-ventilated not once, but twice and lay down with her knees up at the most unattractive angle. If you are to pass out in public, make sure you go down with your legs straight out and cross your legs at the ankles…especially if you are on tv. It was brought to my attention that perhaps the chains on her dress were too tight and cut off her blood supply. It is a possibility. Her exit was awkward as was she.

Ben once again made a huge impression on his ladies by letting Shawntel go and playing fair which is what the Bachelorettes were hoping (and crying over) he would do. Theory here…he should have kept her and any of the girls who are there for the right reasons should have been fine with it. Wouldn’t you want to know that you were chosen over every other girl, the original 25 and any thrown in for good measure? I would toot my horn even a little bit louder simply for that reason.

There are a few quality chicas in this Taco Salad but I think almost any of us could pick the Top 4. Lindzi, Jennifer, Kacie , & Emily are clearly the front runners while CWhoretney is along for the ride. Don't worry...her Sayanara is only a few episodes away.